I have been wanting to post something for a few days but simply can't think of what to write. Let's just say that I am trying to make some changes. Changes in all aspects of life. I have been trying to read more and I have started with trying to read an Ensign article everyday. I figure that these articles will help me more right now than anything.
Things are going alright with us. We have been soaking up every spare minute with Kyle these last few weeks. After Christmas he was on call for a month! Let me tell you, that was rough. We spent a day in Logan, watching shows and movies, shopping trips, grocery runs, crafting, and just living life. We have had some family parties celebrating birthdays. They have been relaxing just getting together.
Wyatt is loving sunbeams and seems to be grasping bits and pieces. We are starting to read the picture scriptures with him at nights for Primary. He loves his teacher. She does the cutest things with them. I am despeartely trying to help him with various learning things. I am not doing fantastic but just trying to do more than I have been. He goes to kindergarten in a year and a half and I am starting to freak! He is not ready at all. He doesn't show much interest in trying to learn letters. He does seem to like numbers. When he gets a group of something he will "count" them. Maybe I will just concentrate more on numbers!
Oaklee is just well kind of grumpy lately. It must be that her top tooth is just about through the skin finally. Oaklee and teething equal chaos. She just mops around the house crying. All she wants is to be held with her new found love of tied fleece blankets. Many days I try to get things done, but I wish I would just sit watch a movie and hold her to comfort her. But that little voice inside me tells me that I am being lazy and wasting time.
I am just trying to adjust to feelings. I am getting overwhelmed (when don't I) trying to find the motivation to keep going every second and make sure I am not wasting time. I am drastically trying to become a better wife and mommy. I have been reading mostly talks on marriage and children. As I was reading one talk I realize I am not alone in feeling I have to be wonder woman and be everything and do everything. Things I try to do everyday are: tend to children, exercise, prayer, house work, reading scriptures, Primary calling, reading books to Wyatt, teaching to Wyatt, crafting, being creative with holidays, service, and the list goes on. When I don't get most of that all done in the day, I feel inadequate, wasteful, and basically useless. I get bad feelings of myself and that turns into depression and anxiety. I just want to be happy and enjoy my days. I don't know but I haven't really had these type of things happening when I worked. I think some of my problems stem from being a SAHM. All I want is to be happy in life and feel like I am succeeding at something. I hate how I can't ever feel good about myself. I hate how it's always how I am lacking in areas and failing. That is the big part. Feeling like I am a failure. I think I am in major need of something. A blessing and the temple might cure this.
Ok so this is a weird post and I don't think it makes much sense at all, but oh well. That is what is on my mind lately and happening in our lives.
